He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
