Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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