I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
