I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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