yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
