I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
