i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
