we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
