I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
