I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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