New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
