You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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