It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
