I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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