You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
