i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
