you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
