Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
