he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
