he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
