Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
