Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
As shirtless as possible
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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