that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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