thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
