Im at strip club and am horny
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
