She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
