No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
