help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
