i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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