Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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