Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
