The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
