There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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