Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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