Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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