I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
