Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
