): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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