this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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