girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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