so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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