I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize