I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
