Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think i have two assholes
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
