When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
