remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
