why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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