i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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