I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
