i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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