Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
