We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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