I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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