but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
