The maid of honor just puked.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
