The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Your tits are I can't wait for
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
