just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
